Satire

I found this is my APUSH notes and thought it was pretty brilliant satire. please read it.

"United Native Americans are proud to announce that it has bought the state of California from the whites and is throwing it open to Indian settlement- U.N.A. bought California from threee winos found wandering in San Francisco. U.N.A. decided the winos were spokesmen for the white people of California. These winos promptly signed the treaty, which was written in Sioux, and sold California for three bottles of wine, one bottle of gin, and four cases of beer.

Lehman L. Brightman, the Commissioner of Caucasian Affairs, has announced the following new policies: The Indians hereby give the whites four large reservations of ten acres each at the following locations: Death Valley, the Utah Salt Flats, the Badlands of South Dakota, and the Yukon in Alaska. These reservations shall belong to the whites 'for as long as the sun shines or the grass grows,' (or until the Indians want it back).

All land on teh reservation, of course, will be held in trust for the whites by the Bureau of Caucasian Affairs, and any white who wants to use his land in any way must secure the permission of commissioner Brightman.

Of course, whites will be allowed to sell trades and handicrafts at stands by the highway. Each white will be provided annually with one blanket, and one pair off tennis shoes, and a supply of Spam, a copy of 'The Life of Crazy Horse.'

If you are competent enough, you will be able to be a BCA reservation superintendent. Applicants must have less than one year of eduation, must not speak English, must have an authoritarian personality, proof of dishonesty, and a certificate of incompetence. No whites need apply. Commissioner Brightman also announced the founding of four boarding schools, to which white youngters will be sent at the age of 6. 'We want to take those kinds far away from the backward culture of their parents,' he said. The school will be located on Alcatraz Island; the Florida everglades; Point Barrow, Alaska and Hong Kong.

All courses will be taught in Indian languages, and there will be demerits for anyone caught speaking English.... All students arriving at the school will immediately be given IQ tests to determine their understanding of Indian language and hunting skills.

Hospitals will be established for the reservations as follows: Whites at Death Valley may go to the Bangor, Maine Hospital; those at the Utah Salt Flats may go to the Juneau, Alaska Hospital; those at the Ukon, may go to the Miami Beach Hospital, and those at the Badlands, may go to the hospital in Honolulu, Hawaii. Each hospital will have a staff of two part-time doctors, a part-time chiropractor who have all passed a first aid test, and each hospital will be equipped with a scalpel, a jack knife, a saw, modern tourniquet, and a large bottle of aspirin.

It continues a bit but i thought this part was the best.